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Some of the people we work with are navigating questions about faith. Some are outside of the church. Some are inside the church — whether they feel like they fully belong or not. Some left years ago and are still processing it. Some are not sure what they believe anymore and are trying to figure out what comes next. Working in Utah, most people I know have some background with the church. It is hard to avoid it. And we all have opinions about it.
I respect people who want to work on this kind of thing, and who are willing to talk openly and vulnerably about it. It takes courage. I have a lot of respect for people who have followed their integrity, their hearts and minds and spirit, and left the church. I also have a lot of respect for people who have had the integrity and courage to stay — when that is what they want to do. I have come to think that the way we work with faith issues matters — that it requires real multicultural competence and humility.
Crisis versus Journey
Sometimes we hear the term faith "crisis." I understand why — it can feel like a crisis when the ground shifts under something that has been central to your identity, your family, and your community. But I have started to think of it more as a faith journey.
The word crisis can artificially add urgency and pressure. It implies something is breaking and needs to be fixed quickly. But for most people, this is not a problem to solve in a hurry. It is something to explore, to sit with, to let unfold. There are real feelings involved — grief, anger, confusion, relief, guilt, freedom, loneliness — and they do not resolve on a timeline. The grief process is important. The new normal, the old normal — all of these need space and time, wherever the journey goes or may land. Calling it a journey gives it more room.
What I Do Not Do
My intent is to not push people into religion, and also to not push people out of it. Whatever someone decides to do with their faith is up to them. But I want to help them explore all of their feelings, thoughts, reasons, histories, stories about it.
This might sound obvious, but it is worth saying because not everyone in this space works this way. Many therapists who advertise faith work talk about "deconstruction." That word makes me uncomfortable. It can carry an implication — that the therapist has already worked out their own faith path, decided that religion is the problem, navigated it successfully, and is now ready to help you do the same. That is not therapy. That is guidance toward a predetermined conclusion.
On the other side, there are therapists who come from a religious framework and may have a tendency to encourage people to stay in or return to faith. I think that is a problem too. It puts the therapist's values where the client's values should be. When a provider pushes their own values onto the process, it can do real harm.
There are times when a therapist may need to gently broach topics like faith, race, or gender — but it has to be done thoughtfully, with attunement to where the client is and a readiness to follow their lead. When a client brings faith in — and they often do — I think we should be therapeutically neutral, responsive, and willing to help them explore all of it. The doubts, the beliefs, the anger, the love, the loss, the relief. All of it.
What I Actually Do
I help people explore their relationships with faith — and with the people and communities that are connected to it. That includes their relationship with church, with church community, with family members who may see things differently, and sometimes with God or their sense of a higher power.
For some people, the work is about finding language for something they have not been allowed to say out loud. For others, it is about sitting with the grief of losing a community or an identity that was central to who they were. For some, it is about figuring out what they actually believe when they give themselves permission to ask the question honestly.
In my view, the church is not all good and not all bad. What matters to me is that my clients can have all of their feelings about it — the anger, the love, the grief, the gratitude, the confusion, whatever is actually there. I do not want to push anyone into church or out of it. But I do want to support people in having the full range of what they feel, especially when it comes to something this important. And I want people to be fully empowered to make their own choices.
What I care about is not where someone lands. It is that they have a space where they can think and feel and talk about it without someone else deciding for them what the right answer is.
Joining the Client
At times it is important for the therapist to do more than stay neutral — it is important to join the client. That means being willing to look through their eyes.
Sometimes that means exploring the ways a client was hurt by the church — really sitting with that, not minimizing it, regardless of the therapist's own religious background or preferences. And sometimes it means the opposite — helping a client see and value what the church has meant to them, how it may be giving them meaning and community, or may have even saved their life. A therapist has to be able to go to both places.
One of my professors in graduate school modeled this in a way I have never forgotten. She was a nationally recognized expert in multicultural counseling — queer identified, purple hair, feminist in her orientation. She told us about a client who was a young Latter-day Saint man struggling with his sexuality. She invited him to take time to meditate at Temple Square — a place that connected him to some of his deepest values, his integrity, and his spiritual and emotional roots.
I thought: this is what real multicultural competence looks like. This is humility and client-centeredness. She was not guiding him toward her own conclusions. She was meeting him where he was — and honoring what mattered to him, even when it came from a world very different from her own.
I Wish More Institutions Were Open to This Kind of Analysis
In my experience, religious institutions, secular institutions, and liberal educational institutions all have room to grow in open-mindedness when it comes to faith and meaning. These are not easy conversations for any community to have honestly.
Jesus himself was deeply critical of the religious institutions of his day. He challenged the people in power, questioned how the rules were being used, and called out hypocrisy — and he did all of this while caring deeply about God and about people. Some of his sharpest words were directed at the religious establishment, and some were directed at the people closest to him.
Having complicated feelings about the church — feeling angry, feeling let down, feeling like something is not right — does not mean you are losing your faith. It might mean you are taking it seriously.
If You Are Not Religious at All
This work is not only for people who are in the church or leaving the church. Atheists, agnostics, and people who have never been religious also have feelings and thoughts about faith, religion, meaning, and community. You may have grown up around religion and have feelings about that. You may have a partner or family members who are religious and that creates tension. You may be working through questions about meaning and purpose that do not involve God at all but are still deeply important.
While not all atheists consider themselves spiritual, I have found many of the atheists I have met to be some of the most deeply spiritual people I know. This kind of work — exploring who we are, what we are doing, what life means, what our relationships mean — is sometimes called existentialism. The root of the word ties into existence itself. It is about looking honestly at what it means to be here, to be ourselves, and to be in connection with others.
These are human questions, not just religious ones. And they deserve the same kind of open, honest space in therapy as anything else.
Why This Work Matters to Me
Faith can touch some of the deepest parts of who we are — our sense of belonging, our identity, our relationships, our understanding of what life means. When someone is wrestling with it, they are not just thinking about theology. They are dealing with real relational questions: Do I still belong? Who am I? Will my family accept me? Who am I if I think or talk about this? Am I allowed to feel this way? Who am I if I am not who I was? What is my view of myself and how will it change if I change my relationship with people inside or outside of my faith community?
These are the kinds of questions I find meaningful to sit with. And I think the people who are willing to ask them deserve a space that is genuinely open — not one that has already decided where they should end up.
Getting Help in Utah
If your journey includes exploring your feelings about faith, church, or religious community, and you want a place to explore it, I am glad you are here. You can learn more about individual therapy, couples counseling, or group therapy, or reach out through our contact page to schedule a free consultation.